Nine brand new talks given by Nirmala during 2011in Sedona, AZ  recorded as Mp3s (for a total of over 3 1/2 hours of teachings). These are just the talks given at the start of recent satsangs. (Please note: Playback is on a computer or an mp3 player. The download  is a zip file of 160MB containing nine mp3s. Download times depend on your internet connection. A high speed connection is necessary.)

Satsang with Nirmala mp3 recordings.Included are the following topics:

*Your Maintenance Free Self
*Giving Love
*Awareness Is Neutral and Loving
*The Imax Movie in Your head
*Noticing Space (Sample this talk for free here)
*Suffering
*Awareness Has No Location
*More, Different and Better
*Moving From Ego to Essence

Purchase the collection of nine Mp3s of Satsang talks for only $9.95 on Paypal:


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Q: I am a big fan of both your work and Gina's. It is very inspiring but also I find a conceptual conflict. This is it:  I would like to enthusiastically committ myself to awakening, by deconstructing the ego and resting in awareness. This is pretty much what most nondual approaches suggest. But this is the wall I've come up against: the reason for doing so is to escape or transcend suffering.  In other words, the nondual path has reinforced the belief that what is happening now is not good enough. The suffering is evidence the ego/I notion is still operative and so now I strive to achieve nondual oneness as a way to escape suffering. But another voice in my head says that the attempt to escape suffering is a form of resistence, such that nondualism has just become a new, more subtle and sophisticated way to deny what is.

An alternative approach might be to dive into the suffering and see where that leads. I've found such an approach fruitful but not liberative. It adds depth to my life and prevents me from being swept away by samsara, but hasn't led to transcending it. So in a nutshell- to go into, or dive into the suffering or to go for the deconstuctive approach by coming back to spacious awareness? Any thoughts or advice would be appreciated.

A: Your questions are very good ones that get right to the heart of the dilemmas inherent in all spiritual paths and approaches. Practically, I would answer by suggesting that you pursue both approaches. Sometimes dive into your suffering and other times deconstruct the ego by going directly to spacious awareness. My own sense is that the biggest freedom comes from a flexibility of consciousness and not from any particular state of identity or non-identity. And for the greatest degree of flexibility, both approaches can be helpful.

Ultimately though, you come up against a bigger dilemma, which is that there is nothing you can do to actually bring about an awakening and/or freedom from suffering. Both approaches you mention are not capable of actually causing a profound release of over-identification and/or your suffering. It is because both approaches to some degree reinforce the idea that there is something wrong with what is happening, as you point out about nonduality. If you check, you may find that when you dive into your feelings, it is also because on some more subtle level you are still trying to fix them or change them. And when you deconstruct the ego, you are also reinforcing your ego identity as the one who is deconstructing the ego!

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Q: Yesterday I had a beautiful meditation in which just about everything was left to my awareness and then I began to notice sexual energy arising. This has happened in my last couple of meditations but has never really happened in this way before, and usually there is no sexual thought or feeling at all during my meditation. It felt mostly like this was not a sexual energy to act upon through usual means. It was almost as if the energy was occupying non-sexual parts of my body such as my hands, arms and legs, but it also felt like something should be done with it (though not the usual actions). Various muscles in these parts were also twitching a bit, especially in my hands.

My understanding of myself is that I generally have less sexual impulses and more sexual control relative to most people, though I am a human and certainly have sexual desires that I like to exhaust when the appropriate opportunities arise. I am wondering what this experience might be indicating and what might be a path to follow toward properly dealing with it or accepting it. I did a few web searches and came across a lot of discussion of kundalini and tantric teachings that seemed somewhat relevant, but often didn’t seem as practical as your writing. I read your posting “Letting Sexual Energy Be Bigger than Your Body”, which also seemed somewhat relevant, but I feel like something more was going on than just strong sexual desires wanting to be exhausted through usual sexual means.

In my web searches, some of the language described sexual desire as one of the major obstacles toward awakening. Should I be ridding myself of or letting go of all sexual desire? Is that something that is actually possible given human nature? If it is possible, I feel like I would be happy to achieve it as I can see how sexual desire does lead to suffering, although this seems like it would be a gargantuan task. Was the fact that these feelings were in other non-sexual parts of my body an indication of some type of harnessing of sexual energy that can somehow be useful toward my awakening?

A: First of all, the energy experiences you are describing are very normal and typical. It is a natural and common experience as our awareness opens up to have unusual and strong energies appear in our body. And there is no need to determine if it is "sexual" energy or some other energy, as there is not really a difference. We are used to describing energy in our sexual organs as sexual energy simply because sexual activity often follows when energy is localized there. But the same energy in your hands or limbs may or may not be associated with sexuality, mostly depending on your expectations and how you describe the experience. If you tell a sexual story about the energy, then it will probably feel that way, and may also then move more into your sexual centers. If you describe it as kundalini or some kind of spiritual energy, then it will seem to be more spiritual in its nature. The meaning of the energy is the meaning you give it.

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