Thursday, 26 April 2012 16:21
Written by Nirmala
Q: Yesterday I had a beautiful meditation in which just about everything was left to my awareness and then I began to notice sexual energy arising. This has happened in my last couple of meditations but has never really happened in this way before, and usually there is no sexual thought or feeling at all during my meditation. It felt mostly like this was not a sexual energy to act upon through usual means. It was almost as if the energy was occupying non-sexual parts of my body such as my hands, arms and legs, but it also felt like something should be done with it (though not the usual actions). Various muscles in these parts were also twitching a bit, especially in my hands.
My understanding of myself is that I generally have less sexual impulses and more sexual control relative to most people, though I am a human and certainly have sexual desires that I like to exhaust when the appropriate opportunities arise. I am wondering what this experience might be indicating and what might be a path to follow toward properly dealing with it or accepting it. I did a few web searches and came across a lot of discussion of kundalini and tantric teachings that seemed somewhat relevant, but often didn’t seem as practical as your writing. I read your posting “Letting Sexual Energy Be Bigger than Your Body”, which also seemed somewhat relevant, but I feel like something more was going on than just strong sexual desires wanting to be exhausted through usual sexual means.
In my web searches, some of the language described sexual desire as one of the major obstacles toward awakening. Should I be ridding myself of or letting go of all sexual desire? Is that something that is actually possible given human nature? If it is possible, I feel like I would be happy to achieve it as I can see how sexual desire does lead to suffering, although this seems like it would be a gargantuan task. Was the fact that these feelings were in other non-sexual parts of my body an indication of some type of harnessing of sexual energy that can somehow be useful toward my awakening?
A: First of all, the energy experiences you are describing are very normal and typical. It is a natural and common experience as our awareness opens up to have unusual and strong energies appear in our body. And there is no need to determine if it is "sexual" energy or some other energy, as there is not really a difference. We are used to describing energy in our sexual organs as sexual energy simply because sexual activity often follows when energy is localized there. But the same energy in your hands or limbs may or may not be associated with sexuality, mostly depending on your expectations and how you describe the experience. If you tell a sexual story about the energy, then it will probably feel that way, and may also then move more into your sexual centers. If you describe it as kundalini or some kind of spiritual energy, then it will seem to be more spiritual in its nature. The meaning of the energy is the meaning you give it.
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