Saturday, 07 August 2010 15:26
Written by Nirmala
Someone contacted me with the folowing question:
Seems to be a looming hopelessness in ever truly fulfilling this yearning of totally surrendering to the Beloved.
There is a giving up in resignation or a sense of what is the use -- like since I am not this body what is the use of taking care of it?
And here is my reply:
I would simply suggest that everything is unfolding naturally and normally. And within this unfolding, hopelessness is a valid perspective. However, I would invite you to check if there is truly an absence of any hope or expectation, or if there is a negative expectation or "negative hope" that things will not unfold completely. True hopelessness is a recognition that there is no need for hope or expectation of any sort since life itself brings every experience just as it is needed. It is hopeless for you to surrender only because you have already lost the struggle, life is already surrendering to itself. Everything is happening perfectly whether you struggle or not. At most, struggling delays things a bit and causes you to suffer, but it all works out anyways. So there is nothing you can do, nothing you need to do, and nothing you need to not do in order for surrender to happen. Surrender is not a prescription for you to follow, but a description of your true situation.
As for taking care of your physical body, I would suggest that while it ultimately does not matter if you do not take care of your body, it also does not matter if you do take very good care of it. If you are meant to experience health and well-being, then life will bring these experiences to you. And if your soul chooses to experience physical challenges or diseases in this lifetime, then these will arise. Whatever experience is needed will naturally arise. And part of this natural arising is all that you do or don't do to take care of your body. Again, if it truly does not matter, then it does not matter if you eat well, exercise and get healing support for your body, or if you don't. Holding the question this lightly allows deeper impulses and intuitions to guide you as you go. It will simply feel truer in each and every moment to take care of the body or not to take care of the body. And it will change moment to moment as life unfolds. Sometimes you will be moved to take very good care of the body, and sometimes you will be moved to just let it be.
Sometimes, when we experience hopelessness and the depths of knowing that there is ultimately nothing we can do to come to a full surrender to Being, we fall into the trap of thinking that therefore we should do nothing. But there is also no "non-doing" that we can "do" to make surrender happen. And it turns out that all of our doings and all of our non-doings are actually a part of the natural unfolding of life that already is always coming from the surrendered depth of our soul.
There was a scene in a Woody Allen movie where all of a sudden a UFO lands in front of him and some little green men come out. Woody's character runs up to them and says, "Thank God you're here! What is the meaning of life? Is there a God? Why are we here?" And the little green men reply, "These are the wrong questions." and fly away again in their UFO as Woody runs after them yelling, "Wait! What are the right questions?"
Sometimes the biggest question is not so much, "What should I do?" But instead, "What is happening right now? What is this like? How do I know what I am thinking, feeling or experiencing right now?" For instance, you might ask: What is it like to have no hope or expectation either way? How do I know I am hopeless? What is it like to have a body right now? How do I know that this is my body? What is true right now? What am I spontaneously doing already? What is already surrendered to Being right now?
This kind of inquiry is in between doing and non-doing. It is not totally passive and yet it is not really very active or effortful. It is giving space and curiosity to the unfolding of life that is already happening through you, around you and within you. You can do this as hope comes and goes, and as taking care of your body comes and goes. The real gift of this kind of questioning is not that it answers the more relative questions or what is right to do, but rather that it means you are paying attention when a bigger truth arises. If you are always asking, What is happening right now? then when a deep recognition of the Beloved arises, you notice that it is happening. What a treasure to be home when the Beloved comes for a visit!
Questions also do not make surrender happen, but they can show you that it is always here. Surrender is what is.
I hope this helps.