Decisions Are Not That Important

Wednesday, 14 July 2010 16:45 Written by Nirmala

My friend wrote back to clarify his question about the relative truth of a fear or projection:

I was thinking more in terms of making a decision about something. For example, if a job comes your way, but you feel contracted about it; you don't know whether that contraction is because of feedback from the Heart, "not much truth here for you", or whether it's arising from a fear of change, "I'll have to move", or from old wounds, "I'm not supposed to make money, poverty is more comforting and familiar".

Another example, you're invited to someone's house for dinner, and before they even ask you have an intuition that you need to be busy with something else that you have no mental attachment or desire for. And when they do ask there is a contraction, and though your mind is saying, "yes, yes, what fun", your chest is saying "no way". Could be Heart guidance, could be some aversion or fear.

The second example, because of its "out of the blue" nature, might be easier to say that it's Heart. The first example seems much more ambiguous to me.

By the way, per your example of fear of being homeless, I've been homeless, and it was a very rich and creative time. I might have some fear if it came up again, but I know what a rich adventure it can be.

And this is how I responded:

Thanks for clarifying your question.

The art is to catch what is happening right as the contraction starts. Are you purely thinking of taking the new job? Or are you thinking a judgmental or fearful thought about it? Some of our thoughts are so automatic that they are almost unconscious. It can be a challenge to catch what is actually happening in awareness at the exact moment of the contraction.

I was working with a woman once who took too much care of everyone else, and I asked her to hold the thought, "It is OK to take time for myself". She reported that she felt a big contraction. I was surprised so I asked her exactly what had happened and she said, "I thought, 'It is OK to take time for myself', and then I thought, "That would be so selfish' and then I felt contracted." She was contracting in response to the thought, "That would be so selfish." Her heart hardly had time to respond to the first thought before the second thought came.

So it helps in making big decisions to slow it down, take it one possibility at a time, and also give yourself a lot of time to see what the overall climate of truth is regarding the decision.

However, it also turns out that our decisions are not really that important. From the perspective of our soul, it is not that big a deal where we work or live, or what we do, although the Heart will still register a relative difference between any two possibilities if there is a difference (sometimes two choices are equally true). Ultimately, the greater value of sensing your heart in this way is that when a truly big truth arises such as a profound sense of your connectedness and oneness with everything, you notice the dramatic expansion of your Heart and so you are assured the big truth of oneness is true beyond any of the usual concerns in daily life.

You may find that the joy is in exploring the truth itself, not in where it gets you....especially when you already know that it is fine if you end up homeless!

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Thoughts Are Not Bad, They Are Just Small

Wednesday, 14 July 2010 14:47 Written by Nirmala

Someone contacted me to ask:

How do you know the difference between a Heart contraction indicating a small truth and things like fear of change, psychological projection of a shadow, or self-sabotage due to unconscious wounding, all of which also cause contraction?

I replied:

Thanks for your question. There is no difference. Our fears, projections, and wounding are ultimately not very true and not very real, so when we experience them we feel contracted. That is how our soul discriminates that they are not very real, by feeling very contracted when we are focused on them.

This does not mean that they have no reality, it just means they have very little substantial reality. The problem is the mind sees the content of our fear or pain, and to the mind it looks as real as everything else. It is the contraction of the heart--of the very sense of your self--that lets you know that it is just an image or belief in your mind and so is actually not very true.

For a simple example, there might be a fearful thought about losing your job that causes you to feel small and inadequate. And of course it is always somewhat true that you can lose your job. But, in the moment of the thought there is not much truth to the fear if it has not happened yet. It is just a thought. Often we get even more contracted by telling a whole story about if I lose my job, then I might lose my house and my spouse may leave me and my kids will turn out bad and nobody will like me and I will end up homeless and so on. Now all of that could happen, but with each additional projected fearful idea, it becomes less and less likely for it all to actually happen that way and therefore less and less true. And ultimately, even if all of that happened, it would not really harm your eternal soul. So even if it all comes true, it is still not a very big truth.

Our thoughts, beliefs, stories, ideas, fears, hopes, wishes, projections, and wounding are really just thoughts. They exist as thoughts so they are real and have some truth and some effect, but it turns out thoughts by themselves do not have very much reality. After all, they all fit between your ears. How big can they be? When we become very contracted, it is because we are very involved with a story in our mind. This is not bad or wrong, but it is also just not very true or real. Interestingly, we can become just as contracted when involved with a "positive" story about how I am going to win the lottery and then everybody will like me and I will find the perfect lover and live in a big mansion and become spiritually enlightened. If you check when an elaborate story like that is happening in your mind, you will find that your awareness and your direct sense of yourself in that moment is actually very contracted.

Contraction is not bad or wrong, it is just different. Imaginary things like our fears and projections, and hopes and dreams can only be experienced when our awareness is contracted. Our awareness must contract to fit into the small reality of our imagined experience. The antidote is not to get rid of thoughts and imagination, but instead to know them for what they really are: small truths. Something that is small is not bad or even worse than something big. A shoebox is not worse than a garage, it is just smaller. And it is good to be able to tell the difference so that you do not try to store your car in a shoebox, or build a huge garage just to store a pair of shoes! In discriminating how big something is you naturally also recognize its appropriate usefulness. Thoughts and imagination are useful when they point to something that is real or when you need to consider what is possible, but all by themselves they have little useful function. To focus exclusively on your fears or your hopes does not usually serve much purpose.

There is much more going on in every moment than your thoughts about the future or the past, and that includes the bigger truths of your awareness itself and all of the love, joy and peace to be found here and now in your true nature. Why leave out these bigger truths? You do not have to get rid of your fears, but why make them more important than they really are? What if they are actually quite small and your strength, wisdom, joy, love and awareness are limitless? When you put the fears into perspective, they no longer have much capacity to make you suffer, even if they continue to arise as thoughts in your mind.

I hope this helps.

Warmly, Nirmala

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The Dance Between the Mind and Reality

Tuesday, 06 July 2010 15:19 Written by Nirmala

Someone contacted me on Facebook and wrote:

I read your blog about beliefs and it is true that our beliefs change over time. Sometimes even in one day we may think two different things about reality and how everything functions. But then is there anything objective? Is there any final truth or is everything subjective? What is reality like outside our minds and beliefs? Do we create our worlds with our beliefs and mind? Thanks much.

I replied:

These are very good questions. There are several perspectives on the question of what is objectively real, and they all have some truth to them.

One perspective is that the only thing that is truly real is that which does not come and go or that which is eternal. And with this definition, nothing with a form or a name is real. The only real thing is the mystery beyond name and form which is the source of everything. This is a very absolute perspective and it can be very powerful in dissolving illusion and attachments. It cuts through all appearances to the infinite, empty presence at the core of all existence.

Another perspective would suggest that everything is real, that there is ultimately just one thing here and it is very real. Everything is a part of this reality and so everything is real, and everything is connected. This is a more heart centered perception and it can be very powerful in opening up the qualities of love, compassion and acceptance inherent in our awareness.

A third possibility is a kind of combination of the first two. It is possible to realize that there is just one thing and so everything is real, and at the same time discriminate how much reality there is in any experience. Some things have a lot of reality and some things have very little. Even if a thought or belief has some reality, it may not have very much. All of your thoughts fit between your ears, so how big can they actually be? This third perspective is a more practical and functional approach that evokes our capacity for discrimination and effective action.

These three perspectives are summed up in the famous quote by Nisargadatta: "When I see I am nothing that is wisdom. When I see I am everything that is love. My life is a movement between these two." All three perspectives are true. They all hold some truth, and they all have a place in any complete understanding of reality. Yet none of them contain the whole truth, which is an inherent limitation of words and ideas.

More specifically regarding your questions, I would suggest that there is objective reality and there is also subjective reality, and life is a dance between these two. Reality outside of the mind and belief is pure, empty, limitless potential. That is the biggest truth and yet it is not a final truth since life apparently does not stay as pure potential and instead loves to move through mind and belief into form. It is purely objective in its resting state as eternal, infinite space, and it can become purely subjective when it moves all of the way into the realm of thought that has no correspondence to outer reality, like when we are daydreaming about a perfect lover. Most of the time reality or experience is a mix of objective reality and subjective reality.

The more objective our experience the more substantial, lasting and profound it is, and the more subjective our experience the more temporary and unsubstantial it becomes. Neither one is better or worse, but they are definitely different experiences, and we can discriminate how real or true our experience is. Since our minds are the source of subjective reality, the mind is not very useful in discriminating how real something is. To the mind everything looks equally real, so the mind is not helpful in distinguishing between objective reality and subjective reality. Fortunately, we also have a Heart, which is naturally able to distinguish how real or true an experience is. Truth or reality opens the Heart and quiets the mind, and in contrast something that is not very true or real contracts the Heart and makes the mind busier. You can read more about this capacity for discriminating how true or real something is in the free download of part two of Living from the Heart here.

This dance between objective reality and subjective belief is very alive and dynamic. As you mention, our experience can change dramatically in a single day or even a single moment with each thought or idea that pops into our head. And of course it can change even more dramatically in a moment where there is little or no thought and when therefore an aspect of objective reality shines through. So experientially there would appear to be no final experience of truth, but instead an endless unfolding play of truth with itself. What an amazing dance it creates!

Finally, as to your question whether we create our reality with our subjective thoughts and beliefs, I would suggest we co-create our subjective reality along with all of the other consciousness here. Our thoughts and beliefs have an effect on how reality appears, which is how this dance of life works: everything affects everything else. So even our thoughts in their limited subjective existence have an effect on everything else that happens.

However, there is still the question of how much effect do they have. Do our personal thoughts create the entire reality we experience? Or is reality also affected by other people's thoughts? And is human thought the only player in this game? What if there are many levels of Being that all have a part in this dance? What about our collective thoughts or beliefs? What about the thoughts or beliefs arising in the mind of God? What if there are an infinite number of conscious forces at work shaping objective reality into subjective experience?

So the answer may be that our beliefs affect reality along with everything else that affects reality. It could be that ultimately the creation of our reality is the sum effect of everything that affects the unfolding of life including our personal thoughts and beliefs. This can put it into perspective that it matters what we think and believe, but it does not matter that much. You can play with the effect your beliefs have without taking them too seriously. It turns out that most of what happens is the result of much bigger forces that we might call destiny or grace.

I hope this helps.

Warmly, Nirmala

Decisions Are Not That Important

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Thoughts Are Not Bad, They Are Just Small

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The Dance Between the Mind and Reality

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