Motivation After Spiritual Awakening

Sunday, 31 January 2010 15:45 Written by Nirmala

In August/September 2009 my personal story was seen through--dropped away. With it went all motivation. Without a self, there is no desire/fear of living or dying and, without those desires/fears, there seems to be no "drive." I have about two months of money left in the bank and absolutely no desire to get a real job. Still, I have no worries and sleep like a baby.

That seems to be the biggest part of the "problem," the lack of motivation. The other part of the "problem" is my lack of identity. Don't get me wrong, I know all the Advaita BS (Belief System) of "you're pure awareness/everything/nothing" but that isn't what it FEELS like. It/I feels wonderful, appreciative, in-touch, pure and loving and connected. I recognize this is just the mind trying to classify "myself," but it is still disconcerting (not having an identity to "pin" myself to) and some part of me suspects that it is connected to the motivation problem.

What motivates you when there is no "you?"

Here is what I wrote back:

Thanks for writing. Although there is no formula for what happens with awakening, I can assure you that your experience is not unusual.

I would offer two general suggestions. The first is an invitation to become very curious about what is present in the lack of motivation. The deeper movements of essence are much quieter and simpler than our old desires and attachments, so it can take a very sensitive ear to hear them. It sounds like you are already in touch with them when you say, "It/I feels wonderful, appreciative, in-touch, pure and loving and connected." So the question is where does that appreciative love seem to be flowing most naturally and authentically? Where do you still find a deeper longing in your Heart? This is where there really is no formula. Every expression of the mystery is unique including every snowflake. So what that flow looks like in your case will be as unpredictable as the weather. It may mean continuing an extended period of relative rest and quiet or you may find yourself busier than ever. The key is to be very curious about what is true in your own Heart. What is it really that allows the deepest opening and/or rest right now?

There is a great story about a man in California who had a profound realization and then sat on his couch for months. One day he had a sudden clear idea for a spiritual bookstore. And as he says, he was too lazy to not get up off the couch and start working 16 hours a day to open a bookstore. It took more effort at that point to sit still!

The second thing I would suggest which may seem contradictory to my first suggestion is that you consider not waiting for any motivation. I had a teacher who pointed out that the word energy comes from words meaning "into the work". He suggested that energy and motivation often come once we are doing something. So you might just notice what opportunities or activities naturally present themselves and just do them. That will at least give you a chance to find out if there is motivation or energy for that activity after all.

Again this might seem to contradict the first suggestion, but I see them as complimentary. The truth is subtle and has many levels and so sometimes we need to sense very subtly the movements of our Being, and other times we need to just get up and take care of things practically. To me, the ideal is the complete flexibility to do both as the moment requires. Personally, I find that as the discovery of the complete range of my true nature continues, I experience a greater and greater range of movements and motivations. Everything from a deep sense of resting (what one of my teachers called the contented old cow state) to a passionate flurry of activity and creativity. Our true nature has all of these possibilities and more.

As for the part of your question about the lack of identity, I would offer two similar suggestions. One is to be curious about what is present in the space where there is no identity or sense of self. You may enjoy my free ebook, Beyond No Self that explores this further. This can help with becoming more accustomed to the apparent lack of a "self" which is such a strangely unfamiliar experience when it first arises. Once you are busy discovering all of the rich dimensions of Self that are here in the absence of an egoic sense of self, then you may not find the absence of that self to be a problem.

And the second suggestion is that you might allow yourself to have whatever identity is needed in that moment. Just put on an identity when you feel like it, similar to the way in which you might dress up for Halloween. The greatest freedom is when you can spontaneously identify or dis-identify based on what is true in that very moment. There is often an emphasis on the experience of dis-identification in spiritual circles as so many are stuck in identification. But there is no reason to then get stuck in dis-identification. You can play within the limitless range of roles and stories and dramas that life contains without necessarily getting stuck in any of them.

I hope this helps.

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