Q: I have some very strong desires that won't leave me alone. On one hand I really really want them, and on the other hand I don't. They seem so important to me that I feel like I will never feel fulfilled unless they happen, which is why I constantly strive to fulfill these desires. How do you deal with such intense desires?
A: Thanks for your question. There is a section in my blog with several articles about desire here:
That might have some useful perspectives for you.
And you are on to something when you shared how you have strong desires in both directions: you want something and you don't want it, or you also want the opposite. That is just the nature of desire as explained more in this particular article: https://endless-satsang.com/desires-are-like-a-compass-that-points-in-all-directions
One way to work with opposite desires is to focus intently on feeling one of your desires, and then quickly switch to strongly feeling the opposite desire. Then switch back and forth while being sure to let yourself really feel how much you want something, and then letting yourself really feel how much you don't want it or that you want the opposite. Do not spend too long on either desire. Once you can really feel how much you want something, then immediately switch to letting yourself feel how much you want its absence or its opposite.
If you let yourself really feel the contradictory desires as you rapidly switch back and forth again and again, then at a certain point the whole thing can just kind of collapse. The desires cancel each other out, and you are left with the empty space of awareness.
Let me know if this simple practice works to "turn down the heat" on your desires.